So we have had two "major" incidents in the past week. Both incidents involved distruction or the attempt to distruct property, and in both cases I ended up holding little man down until the police arrived. The fact is that little man is so completely disregulated that he cannot control himself when he is angry, etc. The second incident resulted in us having our agency get us respite early (he was going to go the next day anyway, but we needed him gone that night).
The fact that he was being sent to "emergency respite" was really unsettling for him. This has only happened one time before, and that time he left the day after the incident. He was clearly aware this time that he was leaving because Mom and I were in a bad place. He has even called twice since he has been gone, and it is obvious he is stressed about his place in our family.
We are not giving up yet... we made the decision, after a long conversation, and frankly after quite a fight between us that we would get back on the parenting wagon for another round with little man.... my hope is that this round will be kinder and gentler, because we are both pretty beat up....
Mom and I also had to really face the fact that this was not only hard on us as parents and people, but hard on us as a couple. We want so badly not give up on him, but at what point do you put every part of the family in jeopardy? We are both very confused, and pretty depressed this week....
One thing we agreed on pretty easily is that we are both seriously triggered by needless distruction, and we both value our home and belongings (Mom's car got the side mirror almost kicked off during one episode) and just can't sign on for an endless series of distruction.
Anyway, thanks for listening... it totally, totally sucks right now, but again, just one day at a time, and today he is at respite, so that is nice.....
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I know you are in a hard, struggling place right now but please take a moment to give yourself a pat on the back. You are doing more than most would. I'll be thinking of you and hope hope hope that the worst is behind you.
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine the stress such a thing would have on a couple. You two are amazing for not calling it quits when things are obviously so rough. Hold on to each other tight.
ReplyDeleteYou really are an inspiration. I'm so grateful and humbled by the depth of your love and commitment. Of course, I want more details and explanation, but I know this is all you can give us right now. It makes me so grateful for your blog -- for sharing this part of what you're going through. It's life changing. One day at a time has become so much more meaningful to me now.
ReplyDeleteYou have not failed! you have given him as much as you could. What you have shown is that he was not ready for a loving family. Hopefully this will lead to a better plan for him. He deserves a loving family but when he has the skills and the transition plan that will make him successful. You and Cori have been a blessing to him..and he will remember that
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